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Solo Parent Society

How to build trust

5/11/2021 00:33:11
How to build trust
Trust is hard when you've felt betrayed and left alone. We wonder if we will ever be able to trust again. Trust can exist but there is a risk. This topic of rebuilding trust after hurt and destroyed relationships is one we hear often in our Solo Parent groups. So, how do we build trust again? 

Single mom, Elizabeth, joins Robert and Kimberley to discuss rebuilding trust. As single parents, many of us have felt a breach of trust at some point or another. Our spouse's affair, marital abandonment, and the fact that God would allow something bad to happen is difficult to process. This kind of hurt is one of the primary wounds we carry.

The topic trust can be dark, heavy, hard, and scary. When we've experienced abandonment, not necessarily through divorce or loss but even early on in our childhoods, deep wounding and hurts occur. We carry those hurts with us into our relationships and then, when things fall apart, the pain and damage is even greater. We find ourselves asking again, "Who can I trust?" That question resonates and reverberates into every area of our lives. 

As a missionary kid, Robert grew up going to boarding school. He didn't have his family around him and he felt very abandoned. That wound was an early set up for later issues with fear of abandonment and difficulty with trust. When things come up like divorce or death, it triggers wounds like this from our past in a domino effect. 

The core issue with building trust again is understanding how our past experiences have shaped us. The first step is getting connected to our own heart, understanding our wounds, and breaking down our abandonment issues. When we have people in our lives who were supposed to protect us, accept, and love us unconditionally, and they don't, that has a profound impact on us. To build trust again, we need to understand what led us to that place of fear and learn what safe relationships are supposed to look like. 

We need to consider the impact of our trust issues. How does our lack of trust play out in our relationships? For complete show notes click - https://soloparentsociety.com/blog/2021/05/09/how-to-build-trust. For more about Solo Parent Society - https://bit.ly/SPSZoomWelcome

How to grow in confidence

5/4/2021 00:28:17
How to grow in confidence
Many single parents struggle with feeling confident. Whether rooted in messages we received in childhood, or the experiences we've had in past relationships, confidence can elude us. Sometimes we just don't feel like we are enough. Single mom, Marissa, joins Robert and Kimberley as they talk about how to grow in confidence. Staring down the road of so many unknowns as a single parent can leave us wondering if we have what it takes. When Marissa became a single mom, she cried out to God and said, "I can't do this and here's why", and God said, "Let me show you that we can. Let me show you that it's going to be okay, but you're right, you can't, but I can." Recently, she had shoulder surgery and while once she might have thought, "How will I ever do this on my own?", she's found that it's been remarkable to discover that now she is confident God will show up with what she needs. Being thrust into single parenthood, often unexpectedly, we don't always go into our new circumstances with full confidence. Sometimes we enter, like Marissa did, with eroded confidence already. She shares what it was like to take those first steps. The first thing was simply to wake up the next day and then do it again the day after that. When we are wounded, our heads are still spinning and we can't see clearly. We need to focus on just waking up, but as time passes, and weeks become months and then years, we find out we are making progress. As single parents, oftentimes we want to find the strength within ourselves. We think that's where we will find confidence. But, more important than that is knowing that when push comes to shove, our kids will eat and we will make it through to tomorrow, not because of our own strength but because of the people who will come around us. Often when we think of self-confidence, we think it means self-reliance. That's not what we are talking about here. The challenge of having to parent alone can become a strength because we realize we can't do it on our own. It leads us to turn to God as our greatest source of confidence and strength. When we don't know what to do, when our circumstances seem too big for us, we find ourselves having to turn to God and admit our need for Him and for other people. For complete show notes click - https://soloparentsociety.com/blog/2021/04/29/how-to-grow-in-confidence For more about Solo Parent Society - https://bit.ly/SPSZoomWelcome

Chip Dodd - How to feel whole again

4/27/2021 00:35:51
Chip Dodd - How to feel whole again
Single parents, our lives have been ripped apart... just fragments of the way we used to be. We can tend to feel completely broken and empty. The idea of feeling whole again can seem so far out of reach. How can we move towards finding wholeness when all we see are the scraps of what used to be. Often, we don't even know how we feel other than defeated and broken. Today we talk about how to feel whole again with our expert guest. For over 30 years, Dr. Chip Dodd has poured his heart, experience, and education into serving others. He is a counselor, mentor, speaker, and author of bestselling books. One of which comes up regularly in our Solo Parent Society groups called the 'voice of the heart', which invites us to know our hearts to better know ourselves and live fully in relationships with others and ultimately God. Chip explains that, in his view, Solo Parent Society is just a name for, what do you do when dreams get broken? What do you do when your heart gets pierced? It's about recovery of heart, inviting people to return to their dreams, and in spite of what's happened, to allow your experiences to become part of your empowerment or victory story. So wholeness is about the recovery of heart, either in ways you never had or ways that you returned to renew. So wholeness really means sanity. Sanity is your head and your heart connected and your ability to tolerate vulnerability and trust that God is with you. That's wholeness. I can use my head to ask myself, what are you feeling? How are you? And then, and I can take that language, and I can present myself in vulnerability to another human being who gets it and then trust that God is in the midst of this. So wholeness comes as we develop the ability to stay present in the struggle and focus on five things that build a sense of wholeness, remembering that pain doesn't stop, in other words, wholeness isn't perfection. For the complete show notes click - https://soloparentsociety.com/blog/2021/04/25/how-to-feel-whole-again

How to find stability when nothing is stable

4/20/2021 00:29:18
How to find stability when nothing is stable
As single parents, it's hard to have a sense of stability especially when things seem to be always moving and shifting. We know how important stability is for our kids but when there are so many things out of our control, how do we find stability when nothing seems stable.

Elizabeth joins Robert and Kimberley to talk about this very thing as her life is full of all kinds of change right now. She just recently walked away from a full-time job that she enjoyed. It paid well, she was doing well there, it was stable, and she had been there a long time, but God called her out of that role. She is now starting her own business, which is very new, different, and scary. She's never done anything like this before and she's a single mom.

With all the change, there are many anxious moments, but Elizabeth has found a sense of stability that those around her can see. First and foremost, God has brought her through all of this. She has clung closely to God for the last six months in a way she never did before. She sees she can't do this without God. Her prayer has changed from "What do you have for me. Lord? Show me the big picture as long as it fits in this little box" to "God, just show me the next step. Illuminate the next step and I will be obedient to walk with You in it".

Elizabeth was driving recently, when she got this overwhelming sense of "Abba, Father", an awareness that God is her caretaker. His plans for her are good. When she rests in that, she doesn't have to be worried or afraid. She can rest knowing that God will take care of her. Feeling a sense of stability while handling all the change in her life comes from a great deal of faith, obedience, and being okay being uncomfortable.

Another thing that helps create stability during change is finding anchors that hold us steady and in place. This can be routine, something that is familiar and predictable.

For the complete show notes click https://soloparentsociety.com/blog/2021/04/19/how-to-find-stability-when-nothing-is-stable 

Creating Relational Stability

4/13/2021 00:34:25
Creating Relational Stability
"Relational stability after a failed relationship, or a painful loss of any kind, can seem like a lofty goal. As single parents, we may find ourselves bringing our hurts, fears, or mistrust into new relationships. So how do we create relational stability as we move forward?

Robert Beeson and Kimberley Mitchell were single parents for eight years. Elizabeth Cole and Marissa Lee are both single moms. Robert asked Kim, "How long did it take for you to believe that you were able to have a new relationship and how could you tell?"

"When God doesn't bring someone, that's a good way to tell", says Kimberley. After her divorce, Kim dated someone for a while but quickly realized it wasn't going to work out and that she needed to focus on her kids and her relationship with God. It's easy to react out of loneliness and jump into something quickly but Kim says she is glad she ended up having to wait for another relationship, but the waiting wasn't easy. She had meltdowns with God asking what was wrong with her and if she would ever have a significant other in her life again, but it wasn't time. IF she had jumped into things much sooner, she would have missed out on a whole lot of blessings she experienced with her kids, and seeing God shine on them in ways they would have missed. Waiting was hard but she's grateful now.

How do you handle the loneliness of not having a relationship?

For the complete show notes go to https://soloparentsociety.com/blog/2021/04/12/creating-relational-stability 

Solo Parent Society

The Solo Parent Society podcast is hosted by author and founder Robert Beeson to help single parents raise healthy kids, and grow themselves through conversations with other parents who have walked, or are still walking the 'Solo Parent' path. Plus experts on the things that Solo Parents face the most. The mission of Solo Parent Society is to provide the resources, community, and support that enables a single-parent to discover whole-heart wellness so that their family can thrive.